


Panic Station

by Oedaziel



Category: Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-04 11:09:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4135245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oedaziel/pseuds/Oedaziel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wally is very confused. Thankfully Dick is there to help. Mostly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [itried](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itried/gifts).



Wally was confused. Wally had been confused for two hours straight.

Currently, he was staring at a lemon, trying to figure it out. So far, no luck. That didn’t stop him from continuing though. If there was one thing to be known about the Wall-man, it was that he never gave up. He hadn’t given up when Artemis had gotten him a puzzle box in order to keep him somewhat calm, or when he had tried to bake a birthday cake for M’gann - because she loved sweets almost as much as he did and she was always the one doing the actual baking -, or even when he had started to lose his powers and he certainly hadn’t given up on Dick at the time he was still unsure about starting a relationship with his best friend.

Dick was, as always, the reason for his confusion. He could almost hear him in his head, telling him to be more _traught_. Pfft. _Dick_.

“Not feeling the aster?” Dick whispered in his ear, making Wally jump. Typical. Even after all these years he still managed, somehow, to surprise him. Freaking ninja. Wally knew for a fact that it delighted him, the proof was all over his smirking face. ‘Oh no, Wally, you’re just so cute when you are flustered’. Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Wally knew his best friend better than that.

“Why are you groaning, oh dear love of mine?” Dick murmured against his skin, making him blush.

“It’s… I don’t get it. I ran into M’gann and Zatanna talking about birdflash and something about a lemon and they refused to explain. They said I shouldn’t look it up on the internet either.” Wally wasn’t an idiot, he knew what birdflash meant. It was all over the papers when he and Robin had been caught kissing in public - he couldn’t help it, Dick’s ego couldn’t take not being thoroughly compensated after a successful mission - and he was aware there was a fanbase formed afterwards. But he still didn’t get what it had to do with a lemon. It just made no sense. He had been assured it had nothing to do about putting lemons in… you know, but it could at the same time. If that wasn’t contradictory, nothing was.

Suddenly, Dick stiffened and stopped peppering his neck with kisses and Wally almost pouted. Almost. “KF… Don’t. Let’s just forget about it, okay?”

It was not okay. Wally wanted to know and he had hoped he could use Dick as a loophole and make him do the research. He was about to say so when he got a mouthful of Dick and Dick making broken noises at the back of his throat - the noises Dick knew he couldn’t resist and the lemons were immediately forgotten.


	2. Chapter 2

“What.” Wally breathed, “are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Dick quirked a brow, nonplussed, making Wally groan. This was not the time to put the non in nonchalant, but of course he would be that way. Dick was not the one who had both of his legs up in the air and his ass exposed to anyone who cared to see. Sure, they were alone in Dick’s room, but still. _Ass up in the air_ here.

“It looks like you are staring at my ass!” Wally whined pitifully.

“That’s probably because I am staring at your ass.” Dick replied easily. Wally wiggled, lips pursing. He knew he was being silly, but that didn’t stop him. That did, however, stop Dick. “What’s the matter?”

“Remind me again why it has to be me again?” Wally asked, a pout starting to form.

“It doesn’t have to be you, remember? We’ve talked about this.” And they have indeed talked about it. Many times. Repeatedly, even. He remembered the conversations they had very well. They had debated who should take it first for ages, each one of them arguing it should be the other. They had finally decided Wally should go first, which was ridiculous because Dick’s only argument was that he had dibs because of his name. ‘It’s the only perk I get out of it, and you don’t want to take that away from me, do you?’ Then he had made the big puppy eyes, and there was absolutely nothing Wally could do against that. Damn weakness.

“But you’re so much more flexible it doesn’t make sense!” Wally grumbled.

“Hey! Don’t blame me for your inferior thighs.” Dick mock-pouted, imitating Wally’s current face. Urgh, why did his boyfriend had to be so loyal to his name? He didn’t have the right, Wally was the one with his frigging _ass up in the air_ , remember?

“Excuse you, my thighs are perfect. They are runner thighs, you are just jealous.”

They had been together for almost a year now, but they were still getting comfortable with each other’s bodies. Neither of them had been with another male before - and Wally hadn’t been with anyone, really, at least he had never gone that far, - so it was still a bit weird. This was such a big jump, and both of them were scared, but neither wanted to admit it. They fought crime for a hobby, they weren’t _pussies_.

Dick made a sound of agreement against his knee. “You know, we can stop anytime.” He said, looking at him directly in the eye, and Wally knew he meant it. He trusted Dick with his life, everyday, and he knew the man probably more than he knew himself. There was literally nothing in the entire world that would make them try to hurt the other. There was nothing they didn’t know about the other and nothing they wouldn’t trust each other with. Sure, they were new at this, but they were best friends for over ten years. And all of a sudden, Wally realised this wasn’t a jump at all, it was merely another step.

  
“Okay.” Wally sighed, finally relaxing. “Okay. You’ll be the dick, I’ll be the butt.”


	3. Chapter 3

“We can’t do this.” Dick said. Wally could still feel the ghost of his lips on his and the breath he took against his skin.

“What?” Wally said, because really, what else could he even say to that?

“I can’t be with you.” Dick merely answered, taking a few steps back. Wally was pretty sure the ache in his chest at that precise moment had nothing to do with the blast he took a few days ago.

Time slowed. For the speedster, it was even slower than usual. It didn’t feel like minutes or even hours, it felt like decades had passed before he mustered an unintelligible ‘Uh?’. He wondered if he hadn’t also been hit in the head during the previous mission, but he had heard the Bat tell uncle Barry that he would be fine and up for a run in no time. Had it been anyone else, they would still have been in a coma, but thankfully his super metabolism accelerated his recovery.

“Dickie bird, you are making no sense at all.” Wally smiled, waiting for the ‘booya’ that was going to come any time now. Because Dick was only messing with him. He had to be joking right? But time passed and Dick’s face was still blank and profusely avoiding his gaze. Dick was a terrible jokester. Wally made a note to teach him some proper funny jokes. He didn’t blame the guy though, he lived with Bruce, and he had faced the Joker more times than he would like to. Both things were awful for his sense of humour. But time passed and Wally was getting tired of this joke.

“I’m sorry.” Dick mumbled, while getting up and trying to flee the room, but Wally stopped him before he got out of the room by grabbing his forearm. Standing hurt like hell. He could feel the tension in his muscles, he could feel his broken ribs and leg, but it was absolutely nothing compared to what Dick was making him feel. The bloody joke wasn’t funny at all and he just wanted it to be over.

But it wasn’t really a joke, was it? He knew his best friend way too much to not recognize when he was being serious.

He stopped feeling the pain. For once his mind was blank and everything he ever felt was shrewd into a mumble.

Quickly, he took off Dick’s glasses and threw them somewhere in the room. He didn’t hear them clash on the ground, he didn’t care. There was only one thing running through his mind. Why. Was it because he had said Rob was a cheater right before the mission? No, Rob knew he was a sore loser and didn’t mean it. Maybe it was because he kept being a flirt? But Rob knew he never meant it and that it was all just a game to him. Perhaps he didn’t satisfy Rob enough? They had been talking about going further, but Wally hadn’t been ready. But that wasn’t like him either. Whatever it was, it was certainly because he was a bad boyfriend, Wally was sure of that, but he was also sure that he could make it better, that he could be better, for him, he would do anything for another chance.

He didn’t deserve it. He knew from the beginning he didn’t deserve someone like Dick. He only needed to see him say it and he would know it was over. Had he known he would wake up to hear that, he would have prefered not waking up at all. “Look me in the eye, and say that again.” Wally said and even his voice was numb.

“You died!” Dick shouted, and fisted his hospital gown. “You died,” he repeated, brokenly. His lower lip was trembling and he was frowning so hard it was making his face red and eyes puffy. He lowered his head and rasped. “You stopped breathing, Wal.” He said calmly. “Your heart wasn’t beating at all. When you arrived at the medical bay, you had been dead for more than 15 minutes. Even when they brought you back, no one knew if you would still be you when you woke up. I lost you. Until you woke up, I lost you.”

Wally frowned. That wasn’t what they had told him. Carefully, he brought his hand to Dick’s cheek and caressed it before lifting up his chin.

“I can’t lose you again, KF. I’m sorry, I won’t risk losing you because of this.” He gestured vaguely between them. “Because in the end, I’d rather have you as a friend than not have you at all.” For the first time, Wally noticed that his hand was trembling and that Dick’s cheeks were wet. Dick was crying, but he made a tentative smile, probably trying to hold firm even when he wasn’t capable of his renowned poker face.

“For a man trying to save Gotham, you sure are a pessimist.” Wally brought an arm around Dick shoulders and held him. “I’ll never not be your friend, you know that. You know that. Best friends before anything, right? Whatever happens is in the future, but if there is one thing I’ve ever been sure of, it’s that you will be there. When I say I love you, I’m not talking about your body, about how bad I want you. I love how you try, how you get up even when you are defeated, how you defend what you care about. I love who you are. And that will never stop.” Wally rested his head against Dick’s and breathed his scent, closing his eyes. “Do you want to be there with me?”

Dick nodded against his shoulder and Wally felt a tentative thump of his heart. He pressed his forehead against Dick’s and looked into his beautiful blue eyes. “Do you truly want to leave me?” He asked. Dick murmured a fast no and kissed him and Wally was alive again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i totally blame Raq' for the new angst tag. so not my fault.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wally never thought about Dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of torture.

Wally never thought about Dick.

He hadn't thought about him since he had been captured and it’s been days, weeks or months. It was hard to tell.

Time was different for speedsters. Seconds could last minutes. Now, though, it was another level of slowness. Unlike uncle Barry, Wally was rarely late; had a pretty good sense of time. He lost it though. He had nothing to use as a clock. The room was dark and empty of anything except himself. He wondered if it would be soon empty of him too or if he would mold himself to the wall. But no. There wouldn’t even be a scratch on the floor to tell he had ever been there.

He couldn’t escape. They had made sure of that. He had an inhibitor collar, and if that wasn’t enough, the room was metahuman-proofed. Not that he could run away, anyway. He wasn’t sure he could even stand up - he had given up on trying after last time. He had no more strength left.

Maybe it was the lack of nutrition or maybe it was the collar that left him drained. Perhaps it was psychological. Wally was pretty sure he crossed the sanity line a while ago. Probably around the fifth time they skinned him.

They always gazed him before moving him. As far as he was concerned, there were only two rooms; the dark room and the torture room. To be fair - not that he cared about fairness - they didn’t always skin him. That only happened after he had a meal. They wanted him to stay alive but needed him weak enough to stay imprisoned. But most of the time, they put a towel over his head and drowned him. Sometimes they kept him from sleeping with beatings. Other times… Well, that wasn’t worth mentioning.

Wally couldn't escape, but in his mind, he ran away. In his head, he was free. There were no men in masks, and no walls. He spent the majority of it in memories, like the times he kicked ass with Speedy-now-Red-Arrow and how Ollie would congratulate them with some terrible food he had cooked just for them. It always ended up with Roy and Wally moaning how awful it was, and forcing Ollie to order in by whining until he gave in. No one - not even Dinah - could eat that. You knew it was bad if even _Black Canary_ couldn’t stomach it. Clark called Green Arrow’s cooking skills the Earthly Kryptonite.

Later, they would joke about which one of them - metahuman or clone - suffered the most from it and Roy would genuinely laugh.

Sometimes he thought about M’gann and the way he used to love her. As they time passes, he came to recognize it as friend/sister kind of love. Once he realised that, he began to spend more time with her, simply enjoying her company. At first, he hadn’t understood why she spent hours searching for new recipes until she told him about the articles she read saying a way of socializing and making friends was by cooking goodies for them. She confessed watching a lot of TV shows because she was trying to be more human and Wally had to cut her off because he had to tell M’gann she was the most genuine, caring person he had ever met; she was the most human of them all.

He wasn’t rewarded with a smile, but with a hug and a rush of her feelings melting with his in his head that told him more than words ever could.

Other times, he was reminded of the first time he had truly been with Artemis. It was after yet another battle against Sportsmaster. She was raw and in pain and about to secluded herself in her room as she so often did. But he hadn’t let her, that time. He couldn’t recall why. He had been to her room and sat with her and told her jokes, trying to make her smile or at least huff in annoyance. She hadn’t. It was almost as if she wasn’t really there. So he shut up and waited. If nothing else, he had hoped his presence would sooth her. She had whispered with an absent look on her face that she didn’t want to become like her father. So Wally told her about his and how he, too, dreaded it more than any villain he could ever face. He told her he believed she never could be like him, not even if she tried to, because when it came down to it, she was way too good. She kissed him in the cheek, for the first time with feeling. It had meant more than any kiss they had ever shared. Afterwards she had sobbed into his shoulder, and the tears weren’t filled of sadness, but relief.  

Perhaps it was the first time she had believed those words or perhaps it was the first time she didn’t feel alone.

He remembered that one time he had a heartfelt moment with Connor. It had been weeks after he had broken up with M’gann. Wally had caught up to him after a particular violent Supey outburst. He had coaxed him to talk - he knew Connor had the terrible habit of keeping everything inside, and man, that wasn’t healthy - and after a while, he did. Connor had always trusted Wally above anyone else and the speedster had a nagging feeling it had something to do with a certain promise about the moon. He listened to him, never interrupting him, as he went on about how he had to break up with M’gann, how neither of them were ready for a relationship. He listened as the clone let it all out. People tended to not give him enough credit, seeing him as a newborn child. He wasn’t. Even though he was still new at a lot of things, he was more in touch with his feelings than half of the Team. He clearly knew what he was doing.

When he finished talking, Wally simply put a hand on his shoulder. It was all Connor needed to know he had his back.

The only time Aqualad accepted one of his challenges was when Wally claimed he would beat him in a race on the water. After much debate, Kaldur conceded it would be too penalizing for Kid Flash if he made him swim instead of running above the water. In the end, Wally lost, but he argued it was only because he hadn’t eaten enough beforehand, even though he had complained about him stomach exploding right before the start. It was worth the loss though, since the finish line had been a tiny island and they had been greeted by food and a party when they arrived.

Kaldur had been ecstatic, or at least as far as Atlantans could go and had vowed to find a way to take Wally to Atlantis one day.

Wally missed the playful arguments he and Zatanna would have about magic. He could almost hear her _Science me this, Runner Boy_ each time she played a prank on him using spells. Oh, he had gotten right back at her each time, getting her the days she was the most thoughtful in an absent-minded way.

She would always smirk and swear vengeance, running after him with a throaty giggle.

Of course, he ended up drifting back to the moments he shared with uncle Barry. He was perpetually excited about the next time he would jog with him - constantly trying to beat him in a race and never disappointed when he irrevocably lost. Being Kid Flash and fighting crime with his hero was more than he could ever ask for. He was thrilled each time they were on patrol, ever trying to impress the Flash, to live up to his legacy. The Flash was a mentor, a god in Wally still child-like mind, but he loved Barry even more. Barry who would sometimes pick him up after school and get ice cream. Barry who had been there when Wally decided to break up with Artemis. Barry who shared his passion about science. Barry who would make him laugh when he didn’t feel like to, because he had the superpower to cheer up the room with his silliness.

Barry who had been a father to him when even his own father didn’t want to.

But  as fond as he was of the memories he shared with uncle B, his favourites were still with his aunt Iris. Iris was the definition of the word family to him. She was the sole person who had loved him from the moment he was born. She had taught him everything he knew about love. He admired the Flash, but she was the person he truly looked up to. Her strong will, never failing wit, her caring heart and light soul was everything he ever wanted to be. He couldn’t believe he got to spend time with such an extraordinary human being, and that this extraordinary human being sincerely wanted him at her side when she was on holidays or when she had free time. The world didn’t deserve a person like her and he was no exception.

So when he felt weak and defeated, he thought about her courage and he could handle anything they did to him.

And he never thought about Dick.

But today - if it was indeed day - was the worst kind of torture. He was back in the dark room where everything has been long dead. The room resonated with him. For a man like Wally, who dedicated most of his time avoiding silence, it was a whole new kind of torture. He hated it more than anything else they ever did to him. There, he couldn’t escape the inevitable reality of his situation. It was like staring at the abyss of his own end, where there was no one, no light, no time. Just him. But he too wouldn’t remain there for long.

Soon the silence would consume the leftovers and there would be no remaining proof he had ever existed either. Not even the thought of aunt I could comfort him in those moments.

Wally never thought about Dick, but sometimes he dreamt of him.

Wally couldn’t help it. When he was at his lowest point, Dick would come to him.

Each time he woke up after dreaming about him, he would have a few seconds of real internal peace. Immediately after, he would be panting in unadulterated anguish.

 _’I’m sorry, I’m sorry’_ , he would whisper maniacally to the dark.

It was always the same dream, the only dream. He and Robin were at a beach - Wally couldn’t remember which one -, some time after he had been taken in by Iris and Barry, but still during his father’s trial. At that time, Wally still hadn’t told anyone about it, not even talked about it to aunt I and uncle B. He hadn’t know what to say. So he had played it normal, pretending nothing happened the same way he had pretended nothing had been happening when he was home with his father, because there was nothing else to do.

He had been Flash’s sidekick for a couple of years now and had befriended the Boy Wonder around the same time he took up the suit. They had bonded over science, comics and video games and from time to time they saw each other off duty. As time went by, they became closer, but Wally still kept him at arm's length - he couldn’t help it, he couldn’t bare the thought of letting someone in. If Robin knew, he never let it show.

That day had been warm. They both were on holidays so they had time to spare from the fighting and got to actually enjoy the summer in trunks - and sunglasses for Robin. Wally had teased him about the secrecy at the beginning of their friendship, but had promptly stopped when it occurred to him it could bother the other boy and never mentioned it again.

The beach was deserted except for the two of them. Wally had been babbling about some unimportant event when he heard a thump and saw Robin’s sunglasses on the sand. Instantly, his mouth shut and he closed his eyes, waiting for his friend to pick them up and put them back on. The sound of his nickname made him look up. He gasped when he was met with Robin’s naked gaze. _’Robin, what are you -_ ’, he had said.

 _'Dick.’_  Robin had answered, confusing Wally. ' _My name is Dick Grayson.’_

Wally had widened his eyes so much he was sure they were about to pop out of its sockets. He hadn’t understood what Robin was doing, why he was doing it. Wally had never cared about his identity and this just came out of nowhere.

 _’I want to be friends with you, KF. Real friends. And real friends know each other’s name, right? They trust each other with that stuff. So I trust you. I have for a while. I just realised how much our friendship means to me and I want us to become the best of friends._ ’ Robin - no, _Dick_  - was staring back at him with the most serious look on his face. Wally dumbly extended his arm and offered his real name. He watched, perplexed, as Dick shook his hand with a myriad of emotions showing through his eyes - confusion, insecurity, disbelief, understanding, gratefulness - until it settled in mirth and the wind was blown out of Wally’s lungs. He marveled at the expressive face. No wonder he had to hide behind a mask. Watching him bare was like opening a book you already know the ending of but keep wanting to read because it’s so absolutely wonderful. He couldn’t help but respond to the boy’s broad smile with one of his own. His belly was warm and fluttery in best possible way. He was aware of how much that meant to Dick to disobey Batman’s orders, but he had done it anyway. Because he valued Wally. Because he wanted to be his friend. No one had ever thought he was worthy of anything like that before. Not even himself.

Maybe letting someone in wouldn’t be that bad.

Wally never thought about Dick. Not even when the pain was unbearable. Not when it could bring him some needed comfort. Not when he thought he would die and wanted to see his face one last time, just one last time. He didn’t want to have him in this place. Never in this place. Dick deserved better than to be there, with him. He didn’t want to taint his memory.

So Wally never thought about Dick.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick always thought about Wally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is longer than a ficlet, sorry! It is also the continuation of the previous chapter.

Dick had been thinking about Wally every day since Wally had been taken. Scratch that, he had been thinking about him every _hour._

Not having Wally around was like, Dick imagined, missing a limb. A part of him wasn’t living. He’d go through the same motions, but it wasn’t the same. _He_ wasn’t the same. He needed his friend more than he had ever needed anything else before. The ginger’s presence had been taken as a given before and losing it completely so suddenly was like ripping of a part of his soul.  

The feeling was not unlike the first time he had seen Wally walk away from him. It had been after a mission in Gotham City where the Flash had come to help the Batman to dismantle the Rogues. It had been the first time they had seen each other and, unsurprisingly, they got along quite well. Kid Flash had the uncanny skill to light up the room with his silly jokes and unconditional smile, even as they were beating up the bad guys. They had teamed up and had taken care of a whole squad all by themselves. In a record time at that. Wally would take away their guns while Dick knocked them out; they were in sync.

Once the last ones were out cold and Batman had officially said the mission had been a success, Wally had merely grinned and waved at him before running off to the Flash, taking with him the unanticipated smile that had formed in the corners of Robin’s lips.

After a few days Wally’s disappearance, Robin stopped eating. Wally would always steal food from his plate and Dick would always act surprised at the missing pieces. Secretly, he would push Wally’s favourite food on the side of his plate so Wally wouldn’t miss it. The boisterous redhead swallowed food like there was a black hole inside him and Dick watched him every time with a smile in the corner of his lips. The glint in his eyes at the end of a meal warmed up Dick’s chest.

A week passed before Dick stopped talking as well. There was nothing he had to say. The only person he ever really talked to was his best friend. The person who knew who he really was, the person he didn’t have to lie to. The others knew that. They kept asking him how he was. They were worried. And they talked, talked, talked. Most of the time, they talked about Wally. They shared their memories and fun stories and Dick raged inside and stormed out. Dick didn’t care about the stories, he cared about finding Wally. Memories were nothing if you couldn’t create new ones with that person. Talking about him only served as a remembrance that he was still missing. The worst though was when they talked about other stuff. Dick would watch them babble on and for a moment, Dick would slightly turn to his left to make a snarky remark. But he was only met with the empty space Wally used to occupy. Would he ever again?

So he avoided conversations that weren’t about coordinating forces to find Wally. Bruce had tried to talk to him a couple of times, but he stopped fairly quickly. Being the Batman, he knew how to choose his battles. Even though, he did have a talk with him when Dick started skipping his training lessons. He went on about how he wouldn’t be of any use to Wally if he lost shape and focus, but Dick shrugged it of. He was desperate and defeated. Wally had been missing for weeks at that point. He was now a hollow shadow of the hero he had once been. There was no point anymore.

Kicking villains’ ass was dull. It was never dull when Wally was by his side, even though they did it on a weekly basis. They had gone through so much together it was hard to believe. They had fought side by side against enemies way stronger than them, and they managed to beat them all down only because they were together, and had each other’s back. But Dick had failed, Wally had been taken, and he had the awful sensation in his stomach that he had said Wally goodbye for the last time.

The day they got Wally back was the best day of Dick’s entire existence.

In the end, he hadn’t been the one finding him, but Wonder Woman, Superman and Green Lantern. From the faces they had made when they got back, it was better that way. Dick wasn’t sure he would have refrained from killing everyone inside that building, burning it down and then wrecking a city just to calm his nerves.

Instead, he got to be there the whole time Wally was in the medical bay at the Watchtower. He even got to be there when Wally first woke up, even though he hadn’t talked to him. He let Bruce explain the situation and then the Flash reassure him back to sleep. The redhead needed to rest and he needed his family, so Dick waited. It was no time to be selfish. He knew that Barry had been going as crazy as he had. They were family. Dick would wait his turn. He only fell asleep when he made sure his friend was okay and would recover. It had been the first time in weeks he slept through more than an hour and a half at the time. In the last month, Wally’s sweater was the reason he had been able to sleep at all. Wally had forgotten it the last time he had slept over at Dick’s. He was going to give it back the day Barry announced Wally was missing. The sweater had been covered in Apple Candy aroma, Wally’s scent. When sleeping had become an insuperable chore, Dick had wrapped his arms around it and it was easier. It was almost as if Wally was there, almost as if he could taste his joyful smile and stupid pick up lines. Dick had fallen asleep a few hours when the sweater pillowed his head. The perfume was gone now and replaced with Dick’s stench.

Not three full hours later he was woken up by Wally’s screams. The other boy was trashing his bed, restless, pulling the IV along. Barry was by his side in no time, murmuring calming words until Wally was put under again. That had been his first clue that Wally wasn’t okay at all. But the boy was fast asleep with the medication and Dick needed to be rested if he wanted to be there one hundred percent for Wally. Having a cause, a reason to be back on track made it pretty easy to fall asleep. Whatever tomorrow would throw at him, he would handle it because finally, finally, Wally was back.

Wally was out cold for most of the following three days. As Dick watched him closely. The last time he had seen him, Dick had invited him over for a movie night at the Wayne Manor like he had every Friday since they had become best friends. They had marathoned the Godfather films, with Wally lip syncing every dialogue of Vito Corleone, sometimes turning to Dick to do a proper imitation, making him laugh and from time to time, respond in character accordingly. They had gone to bed around 4 am, Wally immediately gone to dreamland and Dick watching him sleep until the first hints of light. It had become a bit of a habit, watching him sleep. Best friends weren’t supposed to do that, but it was the only time he truly felt at peace. When he had begun to suspect that the feelings he had towards the other boy weren’t strictly friendly anymore, he had considered asking Wally to sleep in one of the other bedrooms. He swiftly banished the thought though, as it wouldn’t help his case and would only make their relationship weird since they had been sharing the bed for over seven years. Plus, he would never try to do anything with Wally - he was absolutely petrified of idea of losing his best friend, the first person who started to fill the hole of his family’s death - so watching him sleep was the sole perk he allowed himself. And Wally was so beautiful when he slept. He had always been a sight for sore eyes. There was something in the way his jaw went slack and slightly open, his body almost melting into the mattress with a look of pure bliss that made Dick melt inside. He was thankful for what he had, even when he woke up with the sheet by his side long cold, because his friendship with Wally was everything he could ever ask for.

Wally wasn’t sleeping that way now. His body was tense even in his slumber. He was agitated, muscles twitching from time to time. From the little he heard about what happened, it would take some time before everything went back to normal but he was willing to tackle the challenge.  

His musings were disturbed by a choked noise followed by a small snort that made Dick’s lips curve in pleasure. He would recognise that sound anywhere. It was good to know that no matter how much events had changed Wally, he would still never be a morning person. Slowly, he made his way to the bed Wally was occupying and sat at the end.

“Morning sunshine.” Dick said, not bothering to hide the smile, feeling quite whelmed. His best friend was there, safe, with him, again. After being devastated and broken, less than half of a man in the absence of his friend, having him back was like being able to breathe after drowning. Dick was about to tell him how much he counted, exactly how much he mattered and that he was loved, because Wally sometimes forgot how important he was. He was silly like that.

All the words died in his mouth when he saw the look of sheer terror in his best friend’s eyes. He made an inhuman noise as he scrambled away from him. By the time Barry was there, Wally had curled up into a ball, arms hugging his legs and head resting against his knees as he muttered nonsense apologies. Dick had pulled back to the opposite corner of the room after seeing that trying to comfort Wally had only made things worse. He felt a pang of relief and hurt when he saw that Wally didn’t react the same way to Barry.

After that, Iris had asked him to leave from the time being, telling him she would call when her nephew was ready for visits. Dick complied wordlessly. The last thing he wanted was to be the source of Wally’s torment.

Five full days passed in a blurred motion before he received the call.

Wally was back home and wanted to see his friends. Iris told him to drop by the following day because Wally had already had visits that day - from Roy and Artemis, Iris had said after he inquired - and she was afraid it would be too much emotion for a day. Dick swallowed back the sour taste in his mouth at the knowledge that other people had visited Wally before him. He was his best friend. He was the one who completely lost it when Wally had been gone, not that the others hadn’t been worried sick, but he was the one who was in lo -

He stopped there, that train of thought would get him nowhere. He would get to see Wally tomorrow. That was enough.

“I hope for the boy’s sake that you will bathe before leaving.” Bruce said from the shadows of the main hall, as he passed by. Dick was pretty sure he had been spying on his phone call. At his confused expression, Bruce added. “You reek.”

Right. The last he had taken a shower was five days ago, and before that… way too long ago. He merely nodded at his mentor and locked himself in his bedroom upstairs and prepared for his visit.

He arrived early. He couldn’t help it. He had calculated the exact time he would arrive without disturbing Wally by his eagerness. So it was 10:20 when he knocked at the door. He was greeted by Barry. The older man seemed much better, healthier. The last time he had seen him he had been in the verge of a breakdown. Dick related.

“Hey kiddo, come in. I’m sorry you weren’t the first one to see him, but Red Arrow and Artemis dropped on us unannounced. Iris didn’t want any visitors for another week! But you know Wally, as soon as he heard how much everyone wanted to see him, he insisted on seeing his friends.” Barry smiled sheepishly. Dick did indeed know. Wally didn’t want anyone worrying about him, ever caring more about the others than about his own health. Dick wanted to smack the stupid out of him.

“Oi, Wally, you have a visitor.” Barry called, walking Dick upstairs.

“Really? Who is it?” Wally asked. Dick opened the door instead of answering. As soon as Wally saw him, his smile waved and his eyes widen and the panic was back in his eyes.

“Yep, I think this one couldn’t wait.” Barry said behind him, chuckling, oblivious to Wally’s reaction. “I’m surprised he didn’t break in through the window. And that is not an invitation.” He wiggled his brows at Dick and winked, grinning before closing the door behind him.

A moment passed and none of them said anything. Dick took in everything; the tension, the fearfulness, the weariness. He had been expecting this, he had prepared himself for it. That still didn’t stop his heart from breaking. But it wasn’t Wally fault and it was his job to make everything better.

“So, hum, what’s up?” Wally asked after a while.

“I missed you, buddy.” Dick said. That didn’t even begin to cover how he had felt, he doubted there was even a word in the dictionary that conveyed half of the emotion that had crushed him during Wally’s absence, but it was close enough. Safe enough. He landed a hand on Wally’s arm and squeezed it gently to make him understand, but Wally tensed and flinched away. The only other time Wally had reacted to him this way had been after another fight about Artemis, Wally’s then girlfriend. Dick had demonstrated yet again why he should leave her. Wally had yelled Dick was being like that because he was jealous because he was with someone and not Dick. Dick had been jealous alright, but that had not been the reason. He truly thought that they weren’t an healthy couple - always fighting more than it was good for either of them. Wally, stubborn being that he was, didn’t want to hear it.

“Y-yeah,” Wally mumbled, bringing the hand he had almost touched to his hair and backing away. Dick swore he felt the ghost of his hands on his shoulder blades from when he had pushed him away that day before storming off. He cold in a room with his best friend in it.

After that, they talked about innocuous things. Nothing, really. Comics. Books. Movies. They settled for watching TV when the conversation was running thin and the tension high. Dick kept his distance, retaining from touching him. It was strange. Usually, Wally was the physical one. He didn’t even come close to him and Dick was empty without his warmth. He had missed him so much it was paining him to stay away when all he wanted was to hug him, kiss him, hell, even just feel him against his skin. But it was for Wally’s well being, so he shut down his needs. It wasn’t about him. He had failed Wally.

By 12:30, M’gann and Connor had arrived, bringing food. That’s when things got really weird.

They talked, but Dick wasn’t listening. Wally was smiling at them. He took a plate of food and sat down with them as M’gann talked about what he had missed, Connor occasionally adding his own piece of mind. Wally joked and even laughed. He appeared to be back to his old self but it was all so wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It was so fake he wanted to scream at Wally. What was he doing?  It wasn’t like him to hide his real feelings, he hadn’t had the need to, not ever since he came to live with his aunt and uncle. Though the most unexpected thing of them all was that Wally had played around with the food but never brought it to his mouth. He had distracted both of his visitors enough that no one except him noticed. Wally didn’t touch it. At one point, he saw him swiftly throwing it away when he thought no one was watching. It was surreal. When they left, M’gann hugged him and Wally didn’t flinch as badly.

Dick’s heart stopped. Then it dropped.

Wally may had left the prison, but he still wasn’t back.

The realization made him want to throw up.

It was quiet after they left. Dick was still trying to rapt his mind around it when Wally announced he was tired and needed to rest. It wasn’t even an excuse; Dick could see how drained he was.

It hurt all the same.

Dick said his goodbyes and left the room, closing the door behind him and brought a hand to his face, breathing heavily. When he went downstairs, Barry and Iris were both sitting in the kitchen, neither of them speaking.

“There is something wrong with KF.” Dick said simply.

“I know.” Barry sighed, stopping whatever he was doing. Next to him, Iris didn’t bulge, but seemed somewhat less tense. Relieved, perhaps, that it wasn’t just her imagination.

“I want to move in. He’s going to breakdown at some point and I want to be there for him.” Dick said, firmly. He would sneak in Wally’s bedroom if needed be.

Instead of being met with resistance like he thought he would, Iris agreed. “I think it’s a good idea, Robin.” She nodded and her husband did the same. Looking closely, he noted that both of them had bags under their eyes. Wally’s nightmares probably hadn’t stopped.

“Come back tomorrow with a bag.” Barry said and Dick left. There was nothing else to be done for the day. He didn’t bother showering before getting to bed and falling asleep. _Come back_ , Wally, he would whisper in his dreams.

The next day, Dick packed a bag that would hold a week. He informed Alfred he would be out and not to call him before he came back. With that said, he made his way to Allen’s house.

The only other time he had walked towards Wally when he was unwelcomed was the day Dick had confronted Wally about his father. Dick had noticed how Wally hadn’t been moving like he normally did and got his ass kicked way too quickly during training. Wally had shrugged it off, telling it was just a bad day, not a big deal. Being the detective that he was, Dick bought none of his shit. He entered the shower Wally had been using and was faced with a very bewildered, very bruised best friend. Dick had lost it. They had yelled at each other until their throats were raw. Dick accused him of hiding physical abuse and Wally had screamed that no, he had ran into a wall, and to quit it already. Wally had fled the room and Dick didn’t see him for two days.

The following days blend into each other. Other people came to visit and Wally put on the same mask he had for M’gann and Connor. When they were alone, their conversation was strained, but at least he didn’t pretend around him. They watched TV, played games. Wally was mostly quiet when the others weren’t around. Even with Barry and Iris, he didn’t talk much. It was still a whole lot more than he did with him, but even though, it was nothing compared to the way his mouth used to go on for hours about gibberish without ever missing a beat. At night, Wally would cry in his nightmares. Dick learnt quickly to let Barry and Iris handle it. It was worse when Wally saw him. Dick tried not to take it personally, not to let it get to him, but it was hard not to feel the stab in his gut each time Wally looked at him something akin to fear.

“Hey Dick.” Wally murmured on the eighth day, startling Dick. Wally hadn’t started a conversation first ever since he had woken up. It had been a calm day. Only Aqualad had visited and even then, it hadn’t lasted long. He had talked mainly about the Team but refrained from mentioning the missions. Surprisingly, Wally hadn’t demanded to be put back in the roster. That alone said a lot about Wally’s state if he didn’t have the will to be Kid Flash.

“How long have I been out?” He asked.

“Forty-seven days.” Dick answered immediately, without even having to think about it. He had counted the hours, but Wally didn’t need to know that. _Sixty-three_ , he had wanted to say. _You are not back yet. Come back._

Wally nodded once, turning his head back to the screen. “Don’t you want to go back to the Team?” His eyes had been downcast, fixing no particular point, simply avoiding Dick’s questioning gaze. Wally didn’t look at him in the eye anymore. Dick was so numb it wasn’t hard to swallow back the tears.

“No.” Dick replied, firmly, definitively. He tried not to think of it as a hidden request to leave him. Wally said nothing more on the subject and soon they were called for dinner.

Ever since the first day, Dick had been keeping an eye on Wally when he ate. He had told him right away he knew what he was doing and that he wouldn’t allow it. He would stare at Wally until he shrugged and nibbled the food. Before his kidnapping, he wolfed down three portions in a row. Seeing Wally like this made him want to ask about what had happened to him. He didn’t, of course. He hadn’t even read the report Diana had written. He was waiting for Wally to tell him whenever he was ready. He deserved some kind of privacy.

When dinner was over and they were back in Wally’s room, Dick picked up his bag and filled it with his dirty clothes.

“I have to go.” Dick said quietly. He wasn’t expecting the sadness he saw in his friend’s face. “It’s just I - ah. I have to do some laundry. I’ll be back tomorrow.” he added, hastily. The last thing he wanted was to bring more pain to his friend. However, in a blink of an eye, Wally’s face shifted back to neutral and he wondered if he had dreamed it. Perhaps missing Wally had finally pushed him into being an asshole who would rather have his friend feeling a tiny bit of pain for him than nothing at all.

Wally had turned his back on him. _Yeah, definitely_ , he told himself.

Back at the manor, Dick let all his frustration out as he destroyed the punching ball with his fists. He kicked it until he was sore, until he had no strength left and when Tim came to him, they wrestled. He needed to empty his mind blank and nothing did the job better than a good fight. He couldn’t think straight any longer. Not when Wally was still playing pretend. His blood was burning.

 _Come back, come back_ , he wanted to scream. Instead, he punched until the skin of his knuckles broke and bled.

Just as he was about to leave, Bruce made some snarky comment about his training exercises and, with a backhanded insult, proposed to go out on a patrol. Even though patrolling would relieve some tension - he wasn’t done punching -, Robin refused. He had to be back for Wally in a few hours and couldn’t be late for his friend. Oddly, Bruce let him leave without another word.

Artemis visited Wally yet again during the second week of his stay. For some reason, it was even more difficult to contain his raging, burning jealousy he felt whenever Wally touched someone, when it was her. Maybe it was because she reminded him of what he would never have with Wally. Maybe it was because when it was her, he was more aware that he was losing Wally, had been losing Wally for months.

By the second week, Wally hadn’t even looked at back at him when he left.

_Come back to me. I need you. I need you._

But Wally had merely gone to bed and let Dick leave without a word. So he had.

The fifth time he had come back to the manor, Dick got drunk for the first time. As weeks had gone by, Wally’s attitude had only grown colder. Not only with him, but everyone. He was shutting them all out. Now, most of the time, it felt like he wasn’t even in the room. Wally would spend hours at time staring at the walls, mind completely in another world. Each time Dick tried to bring him back, Wally angrily shoved him away. His face narrowed and his brows creased. After that, Wally would reposition himself and continue ignoring Dick, only with resentment smoking out of his body. He could feel Wally slipping through his fingers. Soon, there would be no Wally left. So Dick drank. And drank some more.

Batman was out patrolling with Robin, so Dick had the whole mansion and the liquor bar for himself. He was on his fourth glass of some strong bottle he hadn’t bother reading the etiquette of - except for the percentage of alcohol, 49%, quite good. Hopefully enough to make the rest of his body numb.

He had been there with Wally more times than he could count, but they had drank alcohol only once. He had opened a fine bottle - or so he guessed it was a fine bottle by the design - and shared it with Wally. He had always wanted to try some, specially because he couldn’t. So he had convinced his best friend to sneak in and steal one. They had been caught before neither of them had as much as put their lips on the glass. Bruce had been furious. He had yelled quite loudly and hit the table with his closed fist. Wally had become pale and sweaty and rambled a rapid set of excuses before running off the manor. Dick had thought he would never want to see him again.

“I’m quite sure you don’t have the age required to drink that.” A voice came out.

“Gosh, Alfred, I swear you were trained by Bruce to be this stealthy.” Dick all but moaned. He wasn’t in the mood for a lecture.

“Quite the contrary, Master Richard.” Alfred conveyed all the disapproval and guilt with the flat tone of his voice. Had it been any other day, it would have been enough to make him unravel in a string of apologies. But not that day. That day he didn’t care.

A few minutes passed and still the butler didn’t try to take away his bottle. Still nothing, even after Dick poured yet another full glass. Rather he took a glass himself, filled it with two fingers of whiskey and sat in the loveseat in front of him.

“Master Bruce has not talked to you in a month, but he is very worried. He doesn’t show it, of course, he wants you to be free to make your own decisions, but he misses you all the same. He is not very good at expressing his emotions, you see. I think I am partially responsible for that. You and Master Bruce walk a dark path.” He said after a sip. “Darker than most. And you need some light. Sometimes, it comes from others; friends, family, close ones. I believe your light is Master Wallace, am I correct?”

Dick nodded, making a face. He didn’t need to be reminded of what he lost. He could feel it in his bones.

“But sometimes you lose that light and you have to find another one to stay in the path. Other times, you have to _be_ that light.” Alfred gave him a pointed look and finished his glass in one go. As he stood up, he turned to Dick. “Master Wallace has not left you yet, but he might.”

Alfred continued to look at him for a moment, waiting for his inhibited brain to catch up.

“Good night, Master Richard.” He said as he vanished in the shadows.

“Good night Alfred.” Dick mumbled dumbly after.

Dick returned to Wally the following morning with a headache. The other boy barely acknowledged him. The week passed and Dick grew more anxious. Had he lost Wally for good? Was this it? No. He had to keep trying. He wouldn’t leave Wally again, even if it broke him. So on the on the 104th day, Dick confronted him. Dick told him he couldn’t continue like this. He told him he had to talk, if not to him, then to someone else. Dick almost broke down, but Wally had the absent look on his face again. He didn’t shout, or told him to fuck off like Dick thought he would. He didn’t sob either. He merely went to bed. And Dick… Dick didn’t know what to do anymore.

_Come back._

But Wally didn’t move.

_Come back._

Wally was facing the other side, the side that didn’t have Dick in it.

“Come back.” Dick whispered, beaten and defeated, but Wally didn’t hear him.

 

Another nine days passed before Wally told him what happened. He had sat next to Dick and the words came flowing in. He told him everything and then some more. About the food. About the beatings. About running away in his head. And Dick listened. He hold his hand when Wally started trembling and caressed his hair when tears threatened to fall. Not once did he interrupt him, but god did he want to. He hadn’t thought possible to feel this much sorrow for someone else.

After Wally was done, Dick tucked him to bed and watched him sleep. When Dick kissed his forehead, he didn’t smell the apple candy. There wasn’t any particular scent at all. The lack of it alienated him, crushed him like he never had before. The person he cherished the most was gone and it had taken him one hundred and eleven days to realise it.

Dick wouldn’t leave. He couldn’t. He would stay with Wally until the end, because they were best friends, because Dick loved him and because there was no place he’d rather be but by his side.

In the morning, Wally woke up noiselessly. Dick was ready to back off, to call Barry the moment Wally started screaming. Nothing came. Green eyes were, for the first time in months, looking him and there was nothing Dick could do but stare back at them. It was like Wally was finally seeing him.

“I’ve missed you too, Dick.” Wally said, his voice still gruff with sleep. And he smiled. A real, sincere smile.

Dick had given up on Wally. He had made his peace with it, he had known there was nothing left to be done. Wally had left one last time and there was no coming back.

But the thing about Wally was that he always found his way back. He came back to him the following day for another mission because it was  _so_ cool and they need to do it again, man. He came back later that morning after patrolling with his uncle because they always spent Saturdays together. He came back after they had screamed at each other because they couldn’t stay mad at the other for more than a couple of hours. He came back and confessed his father had indeed been beating him ever since he was a kid. He came back after Bruce yelled at them with chocolates to apologise. And even now, after everything he had been gone through, Wally was struggling to come back to him.

Because no matter how many times he left, Wally would always come back.


End file.
